BEEN RIPPED OFF? HELP IS AT HAND!
It must be very confusing for anyone working at the IMF (International Monetary Fund) because there are two women working there with very similar names. One is, of course, the big boss, Christine Lagarde, and the other is her 'Admin Chairman' Christine LARGADE! Never the less, I was delighted to receive this e-mail from Ms. Largade this morning, because having a cash card to milk the IMF with is just the ticket when you're short of a few bob. But there's an even bigger revelation of the IMF's powers of resuscitation - Ms. Largade is working alongside the revived cadaver of the Walrus of Love, Barry White, who sadly passed on a couple of years ago. Therefore it's with some gratitude that I responded to the IMF's e-mail with suitable footnotes as follows:
From: Ms. Christine Largade (sherryw@sherryorg.net)
Microsoft SmartScreen classified this message as junk.
Sent: 17 February 2014 23:44:52
To: Recipients (sherryw@sherryorg.net)
International Reconciliation and Logistics Vault
International Monetary Fund (IMF)
COMPENSATIONAL SETTLEMENT OF ESCROW ACCOUNTS.
It is a pleasure to write you that we have reconciled with our logistic department on the reimbursement of some fund spent by you during the cause of your inadequate dealings with some impostors who claim to be staff in banks and other regional payment centers[1]. Our reconciliation teams with the prospectus instrument of the United Nations[2]after freezing suspected impostors account. This support was fully effective with the help of World Bank after a summit meeting in London[3], on the financial analysis on financial stability issues fluctuating their economy with the international global standard.
After gathering of this sum[4], our logistic department gave us a list of customers to be paid who fell victims to these imposters due to unawareness[5]. And mode of payment was as well specified for proper conducts and financial regulations to kick against criminality during process of payment[6]. We have arranged your payment through our swift card centers[7], with the latest instruction from International Monetary Fund Reconciliation Office.
The card center will send you an ATM[8]Debit card which you will use to withdraw your money in any ATM Center, Banks and Union Pay Credit outlets in the world, You are hereby selected as an honor for this payment approval, which you are to acknowledge the receipt of this mail in returning the required below to the Logistic Department[9]by email listed below.
International Monetary Fund (IMF),
Contact Manager: Mr. Barry White[10]
Email: malconint@163.com
mr.barrywhite@outlook.com
1. Full Name: ELIJAH RIPMEOFF
2. Phone and Fax Number: Star Date 009.4237
3. Your age and Current Occupation: 87 Bouncer in Mothercare shop
4. Contact Address where you want your ATM Card to be delivered to (P.O Box Not Acceptable): c/o Darth Vader, the Death Star, Ursa Major.
For your information, you have to stop any further communication with any other person (s) or office (s) to avoid any hitches in receiving your payment. Because of Impostors, we hereby issued you our code of conduct, which is (ATM-7750) so you have to indicate this code when contacting the Card Center by using it as your subject. Kindly be informed that recipients shall be liable to all cost arising for the delivery of the donation parcel. This is due to Legal law protecting all donation funds misappropriation.
Yours in Service,
Ms. Christine Largade
Admin Chairman
International Reconciliation and Logistics Vaults
International Monetary Fund (IMF)
[1]What, you mean people who write bogus e-mails like this? I’m horrified!
[2]Could this be a banjo, by any chance, or a Ukelele? The Memphis Horns?
[3]Meeting at the Burkino All Day Breakfast Café, Peckham.
[4] We had a whip-round. It paid for this e-mail.
[5]Ah, the old ‘unawareness ploy’ thank heavens you know about this. Saves time.
[6]What - you mean we can kick you whilst we’re being paid? Bring it on!
[7]Which you’ll find next door to the Pound Shop in Bethnal Green.
[8]ATM: Absurd Tragic Mugs
[9] Address: Skip No. 3, rear of Netto Store, Lagos.
[10]You can’t fool me. The Walrus of Love died. So did Isaac Hayes. I prefer to deal with Smokey Robinson, if that’s OK with you. I know he works for you, Christine.